Janelle & Collette arrived at the café at the same time, practically bowling each other over in their haste to get inside and find out what had happened. I almost laughed as Collette took Janelle out with her handbag, but when I saw the look on Janelle’s face, hid it behind my coffee. I waved at them, and they headed, more sedately, over to the table.
“Marie!” Collette crooned. “Oh, babe, tell me what happened?”
Janelle looked at her sideways, her expression one of disgust.
“My God, Col, does she look that devastated?” she asked. She turned to me, grabbing my face between her hands. Turning my head from one side to the other, she examined my eyes closely, checking for… well, I’m not sure what she was checking for, but she didn’t seem to find it. Satisfied, she dropped her hands and called the waitress over.
“So, what did happen?” Janelle asked, matter of factly.
I shrugged.
“I’m not sure, really. There’s been a bit of tension lately, what with Alex’s work and my research, and I don’t know. I guess it just finally hit home that we weren’t going anywhere.” My phone, on silent, vibrated across the table, and I surreptiously glanced at it. It wasn’t Alex.
“But I thought everything was going so well between you two?” Collette looked as confused as she sounded, and I laughed because the look of consternation on her face was so avid. She poked her tongue out at me. “Well, that’s what I’d heard,” she said pointedly.
“Yeah,” I replied, “It was going well. But Alex isn’t ready to settle down, and you know what, I’m getting old. I want to quit working because I have to, I want to have babies. I want a family. Not right now,” I said quickly, as Janelle started to open her mouth. “But soon, in the next couple of years. I don’t want to wait until forty and start having kids.”
Janelle closed her mouth, and poured some milk into her tea. Stirring it conscientiously, her features took on thoughtfulness, and I knew she was trying to work out how to say what she had to say in a P.C kind of way. I gave her a few minutes, turning to Collette.
“I don’t want to push Alex, but I need him to commit to me. More than what he has. And he’s just not ready for that.” I finished off my coffee, and called the waitress over to order another one. Janelle had stopped stirring her tea and looked at me.
“Maz, honey, I don’t want you to take this the wrong way, but I think it’s a good thing. You and Alex going your separate ways. He’s always kind of held you back.” My eyes widened a little as she finished, and I started to open my mouth to respond, but then closed it again. All of a sudden, I realised what she was saying, and I saw it myself.
Earlier last year, I’d been looking into doing another research course, not for work, although it would surely have helped me secure a stronger position on the research team, but just because I’d exhausted all my avenues in searching for Anne. I didn’t know where to go to from there, and I’d found this course that specialised in specialty geneological research. With it, you automatically gained access to a number of secure and protected documents throughout the Commonwealth, which was especially helpful if your ancestor happened to be someone of historical significance, such as Anne.
“Do you really need to do another course, Maz? I mean, seriously, how much do you need to know about this woman?” Alex pulled the cork out of the wine bottle and set it down on the table. I brought the plates over from the kitchen, and sat down in my seat.
“I want to know everything, Alex. I need to know everything. She’s an important woman, and important part of me. I have to make sure that I’ve done every single thing that I can possibly do to ensure that the rest of the world – or at least Victoria – knows what I know.” I picked up the glass of wine, swirling it gently round the glass. The bouquet that wafted up from the wine was amazing. I could smell strawberries and blackberries, fresh as if they’d only just been picked. I took a small sip, savouring the taste in my mouth before swallowing. “Wow, Alex, where did you get this wine?”
“It’s from the Barossa. One of our new clients.” Alex looked at me, a little seductively, over the rim of his own glass. “At the moment, they’re just plying us with the red stuff. I’m not sure if it’s just because they’re so grateful we came on board, or if they think they can actually get away with paying us in wine.” He laughed, his eyes crinkling. His hair was getting long again, and he pushed his fringe off his forehead. Squarely looking at me, I shivered, the ice of his blue eyes penetrating throughout my entire body. I lost myself for a moment in them, wondering what had happened to the boy I knew, who laughed like that every day. I’d just realised that I hadn’t seen Alex genuinely laugh in a very long time. I smiled at him, lifting my glass in a toast.
“To success, then,” I said, and we clinked glasses. Putting his glass back on the table, he turned to me, his courtroom face in place.
“I just don’t think you need to do any more of these courses, Marie. You’re not getting any further with either the research or the writing, and to be honest, we’ve got better things we could be spending our money on.” With that, he picked up his knife and fork and began to cut neatly into his steak. I sat there for a few moments, watching the precise way he was cutting, and feeling a little deflated. It wasn’t about the money, we both knew that. Especially since I could claim this course, just as I had all the others, on professional development and get a rebate back from work. I considered pressing the issue, but when Alex flicked open his blackberry I knew the conversation was finished.
“Marie? Hello? Are you there?” Collette clicked her fingers in front of my face, and I blinked, dazed.
“Sorry, I was just thinking about what Janelle just said. She’s got a point.”
“Maz, I –“ Janelle started to apologise, but I stopped her.
“No, Janelle, you’re right. Don’t apologise. I think, deep down, I did know that. I’d just ignored it coz it was easier not to think about it.” My phone vibrated again, but I just picked it up and tossed it into my bag. I finished off my second coffee, and ordered a gin and tonic, my shoulders slumping against the back of the chair. Janelle took my hand.
“Honey, it’s not that serious. You know now. You’re fixing it. You can go and do as many courses as you want to now. And no one’s gonna tell you no.” She smiled, a little lifting of the corner of her mouth that signified a smile anyway. Janelle wasn’t renowned for the all out grin, in fact I think I’d only ever seen her really smile twice now, both of those times when she backed the winning horse at the Melbourne Cup. I grinned back at her.
“Yup, Janelle, you’re absolutely, one hundred per cent, right. I can do whatever the hell, with who ever the hell, I want to. And no one can say no.”
“Good girl.” Janelle ordered a gin and tonic for herself, and then made it a double. Ordering a glass of chardonnay for Collette, who had remained unusually quiet throughout this discourse, she continued.
“Here’s to being single, and doing whatever you want!” We all raised our empty glasses, waiting for the alcohol to arrive, and managed to slosh the bitter remains of our coffee all over the table. Collette excused herself from the table then, and Janelle glanced across at me, a little concerned.
“What did I do this time?” she asked. I shook my head.
“Ryan asked her to marry him.” I replied.
“Oh. Oops.” The waiter arrived then with our drinks, and Janelle took a quick swig. “So what’s the issue?”
“She said no.” I pulled my phone out of my bag and checked my messages. I now had five sitting there, and I was a bit disappointed to see that four of them were from my sister and the other was from dad. I opened them quickly and responded, and Janelle and I sat there in silence for a few minutes, waiting for Collette to return.
When she did come back, it was obvious she’d been crying. She’d redone her makeup, but her eyes were a little puffy, and she’d bitten a hole in her bottom lip, which was now looking very dry.
“Col? You gonna fess up?” I laid my hand on her forearm and pushed a stray strand of hair back behind her ear. She pursed her lips thoughtfully and took a sip of her drink.
“Ryan asked me to marry him, again,” she said, seeing my questioning look.
“And what did you say?”
“I had to say yes, didn’t I?” she took another mouthful of her wine, a large one this time.
“Did you? Really?” Janelle sometimes had no tact. Collette gave her a look that would have buried most people, but Janelle just ignored it.
“Yes, Janelle, I did. Because I’m pregnant.” This last bit sort of tumbled from her mouth, as though it was trying desperately to escape regardless of whether or not she wanted it to. Janelle almost choked on her gin, but then looked across Collette seriously.
“Really? My lord.” She shook her head. “I’m sorry, I… I didn’t know.”
“How could you? Janelle, sometimes I really wonder about you.” Collette turned to me. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I wanted to tell you last week, I really did, but I just didn’t know how to say it. And you were so busy talking about Anne and all your research, it just didn’t really seem that important.”
“Oh, Col.” I scooted over and gave her a hug. “You should have told me. This is way bigger than a woman who’s been dead for 80 years.” She almost smiled at me, and I hugged her tighter.
“So, I guess you’re going to keep the baby?” Janelle asked. Collette nodded.
“Yeah, Ryan’s actually pretty happy about it. Way more thrilled than I thought he would be.”
“And you?” I asked. “Are you happy about it?” She bit her lip again, and smiled at me.
Nodding, she suddenly started to shine. “I’m ecstatic, actually. I mean, in all seriousness, it probably couldn’t be worse timing, what with the house, and Ryan just starting this new job, but,” Collette put her hand over her belly, which was still as flat and toned as it always had been. “This is where we want to be at.”
Janelle stood up and came over to our side of the table. Putting her arms around both of us, she gave Collette a kiss on the forehead.
“If it’s what you want, babe, then I’m happy for you, too. Congratulations.” She hugged us both, really tight, and I remembered why the three of us were such good friends.
Random Murmurs 